I Know, Still I Search


Dear Myself,

Sharing a sting of remembrance.

Amidst the mundane kerfuffle of life, today I regret taking relationships for granted. Never did I ponder over the ephemeral nature of life on earth.

Today, Maa had called and our vivacious conversation sprawled over my ebullient childhood days. I was reluctant to end the call, but then had to call it a day as I was extremely jaded and needed some quality rest.

Despite being exhausted, I wasn’t able to sleep a wink. My restive core nibbled me away at the edge of stillness of my colossal guilt. She just wanted to talk to me. Her selfless nature was a stark contrast to my nature, that I myself witnessed that night.

The next morning came the horrific news, “Maa is no more”. I’d never felt so defenseless ever in my life.

My soul’s ominous silence seemed to stretch till eternity. A dreadful and ghastly sense of guilt inundated through my body, coursing through every vein, bone and organ. I felt my heart was going to explode.

I was hoping we’d carry on where we left off and that I’d get a second chance to be her daughter all over again. And I for once had the opportunity for closure.

Nonetheless, I placate myself with the thought that she is my reminiscence of a beginning. She has helped me anchor my mortal love to eternal intangible form.

Always value relationships.



remorseful self who has learned it the hard way.




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