I Know, Still I Search

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Dear Myself,

Sharing a sting of remembrance.

Amidst the mundane kerfuffle of life, today I regret taking relationships for granted. Never did I ponder over the ephemeral nature of life on earth.

Today, Maa had called and our vivacious conversation sprawled over my ebullient childhood days. I was reluctant to end the call, but then had to call it a day as I was extremely jaded and needed some quality rest.

Despite being exhausted, I wasnโ€™t able to sleep a wink. My restive core nibbled me away at the edge of stillness of my colossal guilt. She just wanted to talk to me. Her selfless nature was a stark contrast to my nature, that I myself witnessed that night.

The next morning came the horrific news, โ€œMaa is no moreโ€. Iโ€™d never felt so defenseless ever in my life.

My soulโ€™s ominous silence seemed to stretch till eternity. A dreadful and ghastly sense of guilt inundated through my body, coursing through every vein, bone and organ. I felt my heart was going to explode.

I was hoping weโ€™d carry on where we left off and that Iโ€™d get a second chance to be her daughter all over again. And I for once had the opportunity for closure.

Nonetheless, I placate myself with the thought that she is my reminiscence of a beginning. She has helped me anchor my mortal love to eternal intangible form.

Always value relationships.

 

Your,

remorseful self who has learned it the hard way.

 

 

 

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